Clearing out!

I'm in the mood to chuck things out! Yay!
Have given away two bags of outgrown clothes, shredded three bin bags full of paper ready to recyle, reorgnaised the spare room, it looks fab (woohoo!) and sorted most of the office.
(Also did a pile of ironing!) No time to go back to work on Wednesday I want to keep removing clutter from this house.
Oh I'm feeling ruthless. We have also agreed that (apart from the kids birthdays this month) we are spending nothing.  Even then, their gifts are not going to be lots of little bits that will fill the place up. Maddie is getting a Go-cart (she's going to love it).  Not sure about Anna, perhaps more creative stuff, she's been doing loads of making recently and showing real flair.

So, beware anything not tied down, you will not be hanging around this house for long.....kitchen tomorrow.....

Resurecting the blog!

So it's January 1st once more. I'm aiming for a positive year, so I've taken down the fat weeble picture and replaced it with some SARK art, a celebration of women.
I've always been a big SARK fan, ever since I first found her "Creative Companion" in the early 90s, wow, 20 years ago!
So, since my last posting I've been at Weight Watchers, and done intermittently well, now 14lbs lighter, so go me! Put on a couple of pounds over Christmas, but will shift that.  Feel much more motivated.
So the plan this year is not just to lose, but to stay positive. I've still been on a downer, despite the weight loss, so that's obviously not the whole problem. I need to find time to look after me as a whole.
Happy New Year!

BMI

Is currently 27.9 = overweight.
If I go up to 30 I will be obese, I'm closer to obese than to normal (24.9)

Target BMI 22.7

Feeling like crap

And looking it too. Tonight I decided to stop deluding myself and took a good look in the mirror.  Not a pretty sight. I kept telling myself I really wasn't that fat, what did putting on a few pounds more really matter, blah de blah.  Well the view is awful and I've no one to blame but myself and my over eating.
Bifold mirrors that give you a 360 view of pasty naked flesh don't leave much to the imagination, I've just been avoiding that view, only looking front on. Well I see the truth.
I seriously have to do something about this. SERIOUSLY.  My health will suffer otherwise. I need to treat my body with respect, it's the only one I have, it's my own personal vehicle for getting through this life.  I need it!
God I feel stupid and depressed. I feel very weak that I cannot even control something as simple as what I put in my mouth. Yes I know I must exercise too, but for me, the key to weight loss has always been eating less. Well it's time to do something about it.  If I had the guts I'd take pictures of that ugly body and keep them with me so that when I go to grab crisps or chocolate I can show myself the result. I don't have the guts at all. I do not want any form of record of this version of me.
Now, how to get on the wagon again. How do I find that motivation? Where does will power come from? I am at a loss.  I know what I need to do I just can't seem to bring myself to start. I want to be on in progress, a few pounds down, starting to notice a difference.  This "before" me is sabotaging every effort to get the the "after" me. I want to be there, but I set myself up to fail.
I know someone who does hypnosis for weight loss, in fact she does a walking group near here where she does counselling as you walk.  But the group runs while I'm at work which is a real bummer. I was really keen to do it.  But yet again I have an excuse.
OK, so I'm at rock bottom, the only way is up, or lie here on the ground and hate it. I don't want to live like that, I want to be happy, I want to build my self esteem, I want to stop being "invisible" as the fat, almost 40, plain jane.
Tomorrow is another day.................

Former pin ups

I'm reading a book called "101 things to do before you diet" and it mentioned a pin up from the 1890s called Lillian Russell. Apparently she weighed 200lbs! What is wrong with us that in just over 100 years we have pretty much demanded that women weigh half that to look great.  Very sad.

Changing Gyms

To the new one opened across the road from work.  It's a really basic one, no pool etc, but since I'm pretty much only using the machines this is fine. It's also about £30 a month cheaper! Yay!
Have to give notice at the other place, but soon will just have to cross the road after dropping this girls and should give me around 20 mins extra exercise time each day.  Has to be good.

Blah!

Just that! Nothing to do with weight loss, just having a down day and feeling sorry for myself. so blah!

Back to the gym this morning- go me! The cross trainer was definitely easier today. Although the new machine have a really long reach on them, and I'm a bit on the short side, so it's not so good.  I did part of it with my hand just on the handles.
Added the rowing machine, just 5 mins, a start. Again the power plate and it seems to be having an effect, I can feel my muscles toning.  I really feel my legs have improved just in these three visits, so I must continue!
Can't go tomorrow as I'll have no car, but back again on Friday!

Went back to the gym this morning, I ache a bit today LOL! Did approx 1/2hr, so good start to the day.
Had a cereal bar before leaving the house, so hopefully my metabolism will be responding correctly to the exercise.
Feeling on a bit of a downer today, not really sure why, but easily irritated. Was good to get a 20 minute massage this morning though, definitely makes the day easier.
Still also on my "Chuck everything out" phase LOL. Nothing under the bed no except a portfolio case of Cal's pics which is too big for a cupboard and the cat. Makes me feel very light! It's almost as if the physical "stuff" was adding to the heaviness I feel.
So, back to the gym tomorrow, drinking lots. Pretty sure I've been dehydrated recently, so really trying to up my fluids and peeing for Britain as a result! Haha.

Meant to post this yesterday!

This year it’s all about health.


I’m putting my hypochondriac side away for good and focussing on the things that will bring me health and not dwelling on the negative and the bad stuff.

Today I went for my first gym session this year. Didn’t get as long as I would have liked as the traffic in this morning was horrendous, so by the time I got the girls into school and drove to the gym it was already almost 9. However, a few minutes is better than nothing. So 20 mins in the gym this morning. I certainly felt it! That’s what happens when you don’t go for a month! The machines had mostly been replaced and the new cross trainer felt like harder work, either that or I’m really unfit after Christmas! Also did some time on the power plate. I’ll be back tomorrow morning. No excuses!!!

So food wise, I need to get to the shops. But have done pretty well today. Porridge for breakfast, soup for lunch and a banana as a snack. I also had a bag of low fat crisps *sigh* but only 81 calories, so not too bad. However, I eat my breakfast when I get into work, so around 10am, but today a friend told me that this could be detrimental to my diet. Because I go to the gym before eating my body thinks it’s in starvation mode and will try to store whatever I eat after that. So tomorrow I’ll grab a banana or cereal bar before I go. No point in putting in the effort if it’s not going to work!

On the plus side today one of the workmen from school came in to check something in our office, haven’t seen him in a few weeks and he straightaway said “Have you been losing weight?” so yay! Something is working!
Onwards and upwards!

It's a New Year!

So it's been a long time since I wrote here. I got to my highest non pg weight in the summer (10 st 7lbs - at 5 feet tall that's way too much). So now I weigh 9 st 13lbs, which is a big improvement. Ideally I want to lose another 22lbs. I'd be 8st 5lbs (I think) which is a realistic weight for my height and would make a huge difference to my health.
So a week at a time from now on in. I have a gym membership, I've been going at least twice a week in term time. I drop the girls at school and then fit in 1/2 hr in the gym, mainly using the cross trainer and power plate. I still haven't really conquered my food demons, so that is my new year resolution.
So here goes, again! 5 months till i'm 40, I want to celebrate in style!!!

Not a good day - AF due, eating sweeties :-(

Well I did Wii last night for 45 mins, I can feel it in my legs this morning! The hula hooping is pretty hard work. Will aim to do maybe a shorter session tonight as my Mum is arriving later.

So far, so good today with food, had more than my five a day already with salad and fruit for lunch. Not sure I'm getting enough protein going by the pie chart on the daily plate, so will need to address that - maybe buy some smoked tofu for my lunch later in the week.

I definitely eat less at home than I do at work, so am off next week, which should help, if I can stay away from the kids' eggs!

Sun shine!

Is very motivational!
Have had a good food day so far, plus doing loads of cleaning, so the exercise is happening without me having to set the time aside. Got A mopping the loors with me, she's loving it! M still not herself, so she's lounging watching Charlie and Lola, wee scone.
Wii tonight, I'll aim for 45 mins once the kids are in bed.

Summer here we come :-)

Pistacchio nuts

I had a small handful today thinking it would make a healthy snack as I'm back on track with my eating - or so I thought! Went to enter the details in the Daily Plate - 170 cals for 7 nuts!!!! Now I know nuts are high in fat, but wow, didn't expect it to be so high.

Ah well, so I'm more focussed this week having booked the holiday - woohoo!!!! I have to imagine myself in my cossie, and right now that's not a pretty thought. 16 weeks to lose at least 22lbs, doable, if I put my mind to it.

Blah de blah

I started listing food consumption again today, not a great day foodwise, but almost stayed within my calorie limit.
Cal has just switched on the Wii, so going to to half an hour to get myself back into ti and then off to bed as I'm knackered!

Sabotage!!!!!

And all my own fault. Why, why, why, two punds down antother pound up. Own stupid fault for being a fat lazy trout. Blah!!!!!!!!!!!

1lb down!

Yay, back to where I was before my relapse! And still feeling motivated.
Another 30 mins on the Wii Fit last night. Stepping and Hula Hooping mostly. Feel I'm seeing a slight difference on my belly, which is encouraging. Also, with my new scales I can see each 0.1 of a lb go, so even if I don't lose a lot, I still know I'm going in the right direction.
Met a friend for coffee yesterday (well a skinny hot chocolate with no cream! - I don't like coffee) so when I looked up the calorie content for my plate I was shocked by some of the calories in all the Starbucks range. A SKINNY muffin was nearly 400 cals! I couldn't believe it. I've thought they were pretty ok before, but now I'll avoid them.

So porridge for breakfast today, I am doing this! I feel good about it and plan to keep this feeling.

Found a useful website

http://www.livestrong.com/thedailyplate/users/myplate/ So have entered all my data for today into it. Pretty easy to sue and has all the UK supermarkets too, so brands aren't an issue. Yay!

Wavering

Posting to stop myself snacking!
Gutted to find our massage therapist may not be coming back after Easter too! Blah!

Anyway - keeping my resolve, not giving in to temptation, I don't need crisps right now, lunch is only a little while away!