Clearing out!

I'm in the mood to chuck things out! Yay!
Have given away two bags of outgrown clothes, shredded three bin bags full of paper ready to recyle, reorgnaised the spare room, it looks fab (woohoo!) and sorted most of the office.
(Also did a pile of ironing!) No time to go back to work on Wednesday I want to keep removing clutter from this house.
Oh I'm feeling ruthless. We have also agreed that (apart from the kids birthdays this month) we are spending nothing.  Even then, their gifts are not going to be lots of little bits that will fill the place up. Maddie is getting a Go-cart (she's going to love it).  Not sure about Anna, perhaps more creative stuff, she's been doing loads of making recently and showing real flair.

So, beware anything not tied down, you will not be hanging around this house for long.....kitchen tomorrow.....

Resurecting the blog!

So it's January 1st once more. I'm aiming for a positive year, so I've taken down the fat weeble picture and replaced it with some SARK art, a celebration of women.
I've always been a big SARK fan, ever since I first found her "Creative Companion" in the early 90s, wow, 20 years ago!
So, since my last posting I've been at Weight Watchers, and done intermittently well, now 14lbs lighter, so go me! Put on a couple of pounds over Christmas, but will shift that.  Feel much more motivated.
So the plan this year is not just to lose, but to stay positive. I've still been on a downer, despite the weight loss, so that's obviously not the whole problem. I need to find time to look after me as a whole.
Happy New Year!

BMI

Is currently 27.9 = overweight.
If I go up to 30 I will be obese, I'm closer to obese than to normal (24.9)

Target BMI 22.7

Feeling like crap

And looking it too. Tonight I decided to stop deluding myself and took a good look in the mirror.  Not a pretty sight. I kept telling myself I really wasn't that fat, what did putting on a few pounds more really matter, blah de blah.  Well the view is awful and I've no one to blame but myself and my over eating.
Bifold mirrors that give you a 360 view of pasty naked flesh don't leave much to the imagination, I've just been avoiding that view, only looking front on. Well I see the truth.
I seriously have to do something about this. SERIOUSLY.  My health will suffer otherwise. I need to treat my body with respect, it's the only one I have, it's my own personal vehicle for getting through this life.  I need it!
God I feel stupid and depressed. I feel very weak that I cannot even control something as simple as what I put in my mouth. Yes I know I must exercise too, but for me, the key to weight loss has always been eating less. Well it's time to do something about it.  If I had the guts I'd take pictures of that ugly body and keep them with me so that when I go to grab crisps or chocolate I can show myself the result. I don't have the guts at all. I do not want any form of record of this version of me.
Now, how to get on the wagon again. How do I find that motivation? Where does will power come from? I am at a loss.  I know what I need to do I just can't seem to bring myself to start. I want to be on in progress, a few pounds down, starting to notice a difference.  This "before" me is sabotaging every effort to get the the "after" me. I want to be there, but I set myself up to fail.
I know someone who does hypnosis for weight loss, in fact she does a walking group near here where she does counselling as you walk.  But the group runs while I'm at work which is a real bummer. I was really keen to do it.  But yet again I have an excuse.
OK, so I'm at rock bottom, the only way is up, or lie here on the ground and hate it. I don't want to live like that, I want to be happy, I want to build my self esteem, I want to stop being "invisible" as the fat, almost 40, plain jane.
Tomorrow is another day.................

Former pin ups

I'm reading a book called "101 things to do before you diet" and it mentioned a pin up from the 1890s called Lillian Russell. Apparently she weighed 200lbs! What is wrong with us that in just over 100 years we have pretty much demanded that women weigh half that to look great.  Very sad.

Changing Gyms

To the new one opened across the road from work.  It's a really basic one, no pool etc, but since I'm pretty much only using the machines this is fine. It's also about £30 a month cheaper! Yay!
Have to give notice at the other place, but soon will just have to cross the road after dropping this girls and should give me around 20 mins extra exercise time each day.  Has to be good.

Blah!

Just that! Nothing to do with weight loss, just having a down day and feeling sorry for myself. so blah!